The Grace to Change

I celebrated a birthday this last week. Actually, "celebrated" probably isn't the right word - I begrudgingly accepted the fact that I am another year older. Thanks to all of you who remembered and chose to honor the occasion with cracks about my middle-aged status. I'm sure the day will come when I will be able to forgive you.

Birthdays seem to be a natural time for reflection. Looking back, I realized this year more than ever how much I have changed. There was a time when I thought I had everything figured out, all things seemed to fit within my parameters of understanding, I was certain about pretty much everything, and I knew absolutely who was right and who was wrong. Those were simple days, filled with a sense of security, control, and an unhealthy dose of pride. Such days cannot last. After 44 years of experiencing life, walking with others, and allowing the grace of God to work in me, I see a lot of things differently.

There are still things that I am certain about. In fact, I am more certain about some things than ever before. But I have to be honest - my list of certainties is a whole lot shorter than it used to be. Some of the issues and positions I used to argue about passionately just don't seem worth arguing about anymore. Many of the questions I thought had simple answers now seem to be much more complex. I'm starting to believe that some of those folks I thought were absolutely wrong may of had a point. Most of my conclusions have been refined, some have been significantly modified, and a few have been abandoned.

There are those who believe that any change in position, view, or opinion must be regarded as a sign of weakness at best or cowardice at worst. Speaking as one who used to think that way, I now see that weakness and cowardice can also be expressed in my unwillingness to confront the possibility that I might be wrong. Fear is what drives me to reject any notion that my conclusions are imperfect and that those who disagree with me can add anything to the conversation or my understanding. Yes, cowardice can push us into change; but, cowardice can also keep us from change that is needed.

For me to become the person that God has created and called me to be, I must have the courage to embrace change as He leads me forward. I must to live with a sense of humility and the awareness that my understanding, opinions, views, and methods are not perfect and beyond all possibility of error. There are a lot of things I see differently now than I did 20 years ago; and if I live on this earth another 20 years, I hope, by the grace of God, to see things differently than I do now.