I like to be right.
It feels good when I am.
In fact, it feels so good that I want to be right all the time. Therein lies the problem.
Being right about some fact or issue, and having others acknowledge that I am right, too often becomes my only priority, blinding me to the essential matters of character and attitude. It can quickly take the form of an idol, something I give myself to so completely that I neglect things far more significant. Winning the debate can sometimes become more important than people and relationships; having my view and opinion prevail can take precedence over Christlikeness.
God is teaching me the dangers of my unhealthy need to always be right about everything:
My need to be right does not allow for confession and apologies. Since such things, by their very nature, admit to being wrong, my driving desire to be right will not allow them. Instead, I seek refuge in excuses and rationalizations. The need to always be right depends greatly on a spirit of denial and deception.
My need to be right does not allow me to truly listen to others, especially my critics. Unwilling to face the possibility that others might understand something better, or have a valid point that is contrary to my own, I choose not to hear what they are saying. I listen only for the purpose of responding or arguing, and not for the sake of that person. My intense desire to be right leads me to devalue and disrespect others.
My need to be right can propel me into hurtful, destructive behaviors and attitudes. In my effort to win, I can lose sight of love, mercy, and grace. Like Peter in the garden, I begin to swing my sword in defense of what is right and true, oblivious to the damage it causes. Being right becomes my justification for hurtful words, unloving attacks, and a spirit of division. Jesus did not excuse Peter's behavior because he was on the right side - he told Peter to put the sword away. Jesus tells me the same thing, but the desire to be proven right can cause spiritual deafness.
My need to be right hinders my growth as a follower of Jesus. Growth is dependent upon a confession of need, the admission that I do not have it all together and have it all figured out. The desire to always be right is not comfortable with such confessions; it leads instead to a spiritual pride and arrogance that denies any need for further understanding, change, or growth.
Some of you may defensively jump to the conclusion that I am promoting some kind of relativistic, "every way is true" approach to spirituality. Relax - that's not the point. Jesus is the truth, and seeking to know and understand the truth revealed in Him is essential. However, my self-focused need to be right about everything, and to be seen as right by everyone else, is something entirely different. Distinguishing between the two can be difficult, but it is necessary. As a follower of Jesus, the call on my life is bigger than being factually right - it's about being like Him. When I lose sight of that, I can quickly find myself being wrong, even when I'm right.
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4 comments:
Good insight, as usual! Over the past couple of years I've sensed that God wants me to step down as the great convincer and persuader of others. Humility doesn't seem to come naturally in my case so I relate to many of your sentiments here. Slowly but surely, I am becoming more comfortable with ambiguity...or at least allowing someone else to think they're right on occasion.
:-)
In our age of information, we can easily surround ourselves with any number of folks that agree with us, and choose to ignore those who do not.
But merely not hearing the other side doesn't dismiss the challenge. Even eliminating the other side doesn't dismiss the challenge. In Job 1 & 2, the accusation was raised, and the test had to go on.
A better approach might be to hear the views that seem to "prove us wrong" and humbly reiterate our stand, if we should.
Now to find the time to do all that work...
Keith
It was refreshing to read your comments on being right. I have observed that this is especially difficult for those in authority, so to read them from a person who is in a role of denominational authority is wonderful. I pray that I will demonstrate this kind of humility.
Our first pastor in ministry, Rob, would tell us, sometimes it's more important to be good than right. It was always an effective reminder to me that I didn't have to have the last word, even if I was right. The preservation of a relationship, whether pastoral or otherwise, was fundamentally more important. I don't think that means we sacrifice our convictions, but it does require a certain additional consideration of the other when we choose our words and actions. What is the priority of our church leadership when it comes to being "right" or to being "good"?
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